互惠生落地家庭快半个月了，本来一切都好，这几天家庭却跟我半投诉半聊天地说，互惠生Louis在小朋友面前抽烟，还说是我们教的。（原话: your family taught how to smoke）不过好在家庭妈妈会英语，已经跟Louis说过了，不要再室内和小朋友面前抽烟。我听了吃了一惊，我记得他不抽烟啊！家妈直接发我了张小朋友的画，Louis在吞云吐雾！
我记得面试过这个男孩子，大学在读来自诺曼底，阳光秀气大男孩，专业是汉学+东亚历史，因为男生本身匹配的慢，他很早就找到我们报名了项目，在暑假前匹配了出去。我记得他资料是不吸烟不喝酒，难道他做了隐瞒？
–
后来文化课上，我和他聊了起来，他跟我说是家庭教他抽烟！莫名其妙，我都要跳起来了！家庭妈妈抱怨他抽烟，怎么可能教他？Louis解释说，家庭爷爷在他们每次外出的时候都会递烟给Louis，他拒绝了一次还是这么递，Louis觉得老是拒绝不好意思，就收着，赞了好几根，想着试着抽抽，居然抽上了！
–
“中国抽烟可便宜啦，一包不到两欧元！”Louis兴奋地跟我说。“你可别抽烟，吸烟不好！你现在刚抽几根还容易戒，我劝你别抽了。”我脱口而出，接着我解释，这是中国人的“敬烟”，但这绝不是老人家在教你抽烟，是部分老一辈的社交礼仪，但是如果你不抽烟就应该拒绝！另外，“敬烟”你学会了，你怎么不学“敬茶”呢？
–
我以前在读书的时候也学着别人抽烟，我想了下，也是我自己也想尝试，因为看到别的同学叼根烟吞云吐雾，看上去酷酷的！互惠生这个年纪20左右，也都是孩子，别人递烟只是很小的因素，还是主要自己觉得“酷酷”的，“能缓解压力”。
–
这个故事其实不足为道，但是我想到自己吸烟戒烟的经历就想笑，我也曾经在向别人叙述的时候，暗示自己是受到别人影响才吸烟，年龄大了越发觉得，那是再给自己找理由！不过作为互惠生的“辅导员”，该劝的还是劝劝，省得这些个互惠生说在中国学了一堆古董习惯（“敬烟”、劝酒。。。），都是在给自己找借口啊！
–
不过，谁又不都是这样呢！
口述by仁互惠 顾问 Aaron，文字整理by 仁互惠 Y
The au pair had been with the host family for nearly two weeks. Everything seemed fine until the family half-complained, half-chatted with me: “Louis smokes in front of the kids and claims we taught him!” (His exact words: “Your family taught me how to smoke.”) Fortunately, the host mother speaks English and had already reminded Louis not to smoke indoors or around the children. I was shocked—I distinctly remembered he didn’t smoke! The mother then sent me a child’s drawing: Louis billowing smoke clouds!
I recalled interviewing this young man—a bright, handsome student from Normandy majoring in Sinology and East Asian History. Since male au pairs are harder to match, he’d signed up early and was placed before summer. His profile clearly stated “non-smoker, non-drinker.” Had he lied?
–
Later, during a cultural session, I spoke with him. To my disbelief, he insisted, “The family taught me to smoke!” I nearly jumped out of my seat! How could a mother who complained about his smoking possibly teach him? Louis explained: “The grandfather offers me cigarettes every time we go out. I refused once, but he kept insisting. I felt rude declining repeatedly, so I accepted and saved a few. Eventually, I tried one… and got hooked!”
–
“Smoking in China is so cheap—less than €2 a pack!” Louis exclaimed excitedly. I shot back, “You really shouldn’t smoke! It’s harmful. Quit now while it’s easy.” I then clarified: This was “offering cigarettes as a social gesture”—a custom among older generations—not an invitation to learn smoking. “If you don’t smoke, just refuse! And since you’ve mastered ‘offering cigarettes,’ why not learn ‘serving tea’ instead?”
–
I reflected on my own college days when I’d tried smoking. Honestly? I wanted to look cool, just like those classmates puffing away. Louis, like most 20-year-old au pairs, is still young. Peer pressure plays a role, but deep down, it’s about chasing that “cool” relief.
–
This story may seem trivial, but it makes me chuckle—I, too, once blamed others for my smoking. With age, I see it was just an excuse. As an au pair coordinator, I’ll keep advising these young adults. Otherwise, they’ll return home blaming “archaic Chinese habits” (offering cigarettes, pressuring drinks…) for their choices.
–
Then again… who doesn’t do the same?
—
Oral account by Aaron, Advisor at Ren Au Pair
Text compiled by Ren Au Pair Team