最近和几个家庭交流才发现，很多家庭曾经尝试自己找互惠生，遇到的问题，感觉很有意思，分享给大家。
有个家庭妈妈自己找了当地留学生，到家里面做起了“暑假互惠生”，结果互惠生到家里第二天就开始提要求，几乎每个星期都会有个要求，比如让家庭帮忙付下个学期学费，让家庭帮忙充话费，问家庭借钱，等等，家庭实在受不了了，借着暑期全家出游早就定好了不方便带互惠生为由，把互惠生请了出去，家庭说借了几百元都算了，问题是隔一天一百，再过几天借两百，真的没有心思去计算清楚。
Ren观点：互惠生的零用钱本身类似于生活补助，这种靠做互惠生挣学费的应该是“保姆工作”，可见家庭可能找的是保姆，除此之外，家庭确实也没有提供给互惠生中文课、文化课等内容。你想要的别人也想要。
Ren推荐的互惠生一般都是来自于欧美国家，对中文和中国文化感兴趣，愿意来中国“文化”交流更多的学生，这些学生很多都正在学习汉语，而且他们知道零用钱是固定的，本身项目就是交流＞“工作”。
有个家庭找了个互惠生，结果磨合了不到一个月就提前结束，家庭向我咨询，看能不能再好的匹配互惠生，我让家庭帮我回顾了之前互惠生“看不惯”的地方，让家庭觉得”情绪不舒服“的地方，我好评估这个家庭是否还能找互惠生，家庭给我罗列的互惠生”不好的地方“包括：
-每次出门不问许可，把家当菜园子，想出去就出去。（互惠生自己的时间出门还要请示？）
-每次吃饭自己先吃完就下桌去房间，不陪孩子吃完。（这个可以说一下，但我觉得互惠生有选择自由。）
-每次跟家庭妈妈说话的时候语气不好。（原来家里保姆都喊“小姐、少爷”，互惠生直接喊名字）
-和孩子玩的时候经常让孩子教自己汉语。（交流陪伴很重要，我觉得互惠生和孩子一定玩的很开心）
-互惠生总是吃家里很贵的食物。（家妈很纠结，一边说自己不在意，一边又不停重复。其实这个可以约定）
-互惠生总是。。。。。
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我听完了家庭的反馈，我很认真地跟家庭说，其实您家真的不适合互惠生，适合找个上门老师，一定不能要住家的！人都是有缺点的，住一起您这样观察下去只能无限放大缺点，给自己添堵，费钱费心！
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我真心希望找互惠生的家庭能够找到合适的人选，陪自己的宝贝玩耍学习，共同进步！付出爱一定会得到更多的爱，如果你也想找个互惠生，觉得家庭合适，但又无从下手的话，我很乐意帮你。
本文源自aupair Ren顾问Yona口述，Y整理。
Recently, while talking with several families, I discovered that many had tried finding au pairs on their own and encountered some rather interesting issues. I thought I’d share these experiences.
One mother found a local international student to work as a “summer au pair” in their home. However, starting from the second day, the au pair began making requests. It seemed like there was a new demand almost every week – asking the family to pay next semester’s tuition, top up her phone credit, lend her money, and so on. The family couldn’t take it anymore. Using a pre-planned family summer trip (where bringing the au pair would be inconvenient) as a reason, they politely asked her to leave. The family mentioned they wrote off the few hundred dollars lent, but the real issue was the constant, draining requests – borrow 100 one day, then 200 a few days later – they simply didn’t have the energy to keep track.
Ren’s Perspective: An au pair’s pocket money is essentially a living allowance. Someone trying to earn tuition through being an au pair is really seeking “nanny work.” It seems this family might have inadvertently hired a nanny. Furthermore, the family didn’t provide the au pair with Chinese lessons, cultural classes, etc. What you want, others want too.
The au pairs Ren typically recommends are usually from European or North American countries. They are students interested in Chinese language and culture, willing to come to China for deeper cultural exchange. Many are already learning Chinese, and they understand the pocket money is fixed. The core of the program is exchange > “work”.
Another family found an au pair, but the arrangement ended prematurely after less than a month. They consulted me, asking if they could find a better match. I asked them to reflect on what aspects of the previous au pair’s behavior they had “disapproved of” or found “emotionally uncomfortable,” so I could assess their suitability for hosting an au pair. The family listed the au pair’s “undesirable traits,” including:
- Going out without asking for permission, treating the home like a hotel – coming and going as they pleased. (Does an au pair need permission to go out on their own time?)
- Finishing meals first and immediately leaving the table for their room, not staying to keep the children company while they finished eating. (This could be mentioned, but I believe the au pair has freedom of choice.)
- Speaking to the mother in a tone perceived as disrespectful. (Previously, their nanny addressed the children as “Miss” and “Young Master,” whereas the au pair called them by their first names directly.)
- Often asking the children to teach them Chinese during playtime. (Interactive companionship is important; I think the au pair and children were probably having fun together.)
- Frequently eating the family’s more expensive food items. (The mother seemed conflicted, saying she didn’t mind, yet repeatedly bringing it up. This could actually be agreed upon in advance.)
- The au pair always….
After listening to their feedback, I told the family very seriously: “Honestly, your household might not be the best fit for an au pair. You might be better suited for a private tutor, and definitely not a live-in one! Everyone has flaws. Living together under such close observation will only magnify those shortcomings endlessly, causing you unnecessary stress, expense, and mental energy!”
I sincerely hope families looking for au pairs can find the right person to play with and help their precious children learn, growing together! Giving love will surely result in receiving even more love in return. If you are also considering finding an au pair, believe your family is suitable, but don’t know where to start, I would be delighted to help you.
This article is based on an account by Yona, an advisor at Aupair Ren, and was compiled by Y.