互惠生在中国的漂流记 I
我很幸运，和Au Pair Ren一起，漂流了大半个中国。
今天我要跟你讲一个法国互惠生在中国不到一年，在四个家庭里面做互惠生的故事。
最开始Kay去年年底，我记得是圣诞以前，通过网站联系了我们。
Kay说自己已经在深圳一个家庭做互惠生，但是觉得自己需要重新匹配。”I feel I’m not getting along with this family, we all admitted.” 这是Kay当时跟我说的原话。
Kay最开始是通过网上自己找了个深圳的家庭，是家庭的管家找到的她，最开始任务说是，陪4岁的小女儿，家里面已经有1个互惠生了，但是是陪哥哥。
Kay说：面试的时候是这个管家和他们当时的巴西互惠生M和我聊的，视频里面的小姑娘很可爱，而且跟M互动挺好的，我就觉得他们英语很好。但是我说我想见一下小朋友家长，管家就紧张了，说，到时候来了就可以见到了，孩子家长是公众人物，不方便，后来在Kay的多次提问下，管家给了个模糊的照片，“什么都看不出来！不过当时我真的很想快点来中国，所以就直接来了。”
可能是当时DIY找家庭太麻烦了，Kay在面试了好几个家庭后，选择了深圳这一个。“他们给我的承诺很好，包了我的机票、签证和中文课，而且管家很有时间观念，说一落地就会配合我制定时间表。”
后来Kay直接就飞了过来，落地香港，家庭开车到深圳湾，轻车熟路。
看得出来这个管家之前接待过很多互惠生。
但是后面事情就变得麻烦。
先是职责变了，之前照顾的妹妹说是要去北京参加什么活动，改成了照顾最小的弟弟Luke，一个6个月的婴儿。
好在Kay不需要任何育婴工作，只需要给Luke语言环境，每天4小时法语，暂时不需要英语，因为每隔一天会有个上门外教专门提供连续8小时英语！这个来自英国的外教会在Luke面前不听说英语，同时还会表演一些情景剧，让6个月的宝宝每次咯咯大笑！
我再三跟Kay确认，就是这么夸张，6个月，家庭认为是牙牙学语的最佳时机，要普通话/粤语/英语/法语 轮番上，恨不得刻进基因里。
那Luke后面能听懂多少呢？我很好奇。我知道Kay只在这个家庭待了一个月。
完全没有反应！Kay说，我在这个家庭第一天就签了很多保密协议，自己的手机只能在卧室使用，在卧室以外的地方，只能用他们提供的不能拍照的平板。我从过去到走的那一天，都只见过管家和阿姨。因为每次妈妈出来带宝宝的时候，管家都会给Kay发消息，让Kay回另外一栋楼自己房间，就是提早“下班”。Kay说，我不知道孩子父母是谁，管家说他们很shy，不太愿意见生人，但阿姨说是“大明星“！
Kay后面说这样的相处模式确实是出乎意料，但是习惯了就好好，Kay说，不过这个深圳家庭唯一让Kay郁闷的一点是，自己本身是想做互惠生成为家庭一员的，管家一直所自己是“陌生人“。
Kay接着介绍，自己每天4个小时和小朋友说法语，刚开始还能说，介绍自己，但是6个月的婴儿不可能有任何回应的，你知道这样说下去很快就没得说了，我每天都在演独角戏，很难受，我每天开始说自己，说我的法国家里人，后来我感觉我枯竭了，我已经没话说了，我开始读法语新闻，但是Luke是个baby啊。
Kay说自己那段时间确实不开心，一是感觉陷入一个没有回应无边的黑洞，不知道自己做的对还是不对，外一方面，Kay看到英国外教逗孩子那么开心，她也想学，但是每次学不会，Kay说自己甚至怀疑是不是宝宝听得懂英文但是听不懂法语。
“每天我都会问Deepseek50个以上的问题，看我哪里做的不对，可不可以提升！我明天都在想，我要逗笑这个宝宝！我要让他学到法语！
后来，管家说我抑郁了，不适合陪Luke，说安排我去香港看心理医生，我百分百肯定自己不是抑郁，只是“法语播报“倦怠，然后我就开始联系你们了。我跟管家说，我想联系一个中介，让他们帮我看看有没有别的互惠生寄宿家庭，我似乎不太合适陪6个月大的宝宝。管家当即就答应了，说没问题，当天我就不用去“演独角戏”，后面就是我找到了你们！
I’m fortunate to have traveled across more than half of China with Au Pair Ren.
Today, I want to tell you the story of a French au pair who worked with four host families in China within less than a year.
It all started at the end of last year—before Christmas, if I remember correctly—when Kay contacted us through our website.
Kay told us she was already working as an au pair with a host family in Shenzhen but felt she needed a rematch. “I feel I’m not getting along with this family, we all admitted.” Those were her exact words to me back then.
Initially, Kay found this Shenzhen host family on her own online; it was the family’s housekeeper who reached out to her. The original task was to look after the family’s 4-year-old daughter. The family already had another au pair, but that au pair was assigned to the older brother.
Kay recalled: “During the interview, I spoke with the housekeeper and the family’s then-Brazilian au pair, M. The little girl looked lovely in the video, and she interacted well with M—I thought their English must be really good. But when I said I wanted to meet the child’s parents, the housekeeper got nervous. She said, ‘You’ll meet them when you arrive; the parents are public figures, so it’s not convenient right now.’ Later, after I asked repeatedly, the housekeeper sent me a blurry photo. ‘You couldn’t make out anything! But I really wanted to come to China quickly back then, so I just came anyway.’”
Probably because finding a host family by herself (DIY) was too troublesome, Kay chose this Shenzhen family after interviewing several others. “They made great promises: covering my flight tickets, visa, and Chinese lessons. Besides, the housekeeper was very punctual and said she would help me make a schedule as soon as I landed.”
Later, Kay flew over directly, arriving in Hong Kong first. The host family drove to Shenzhen Bay to pick her up, and they did it with great familiarity—clearly, the housekeeper had hosted many au pairs before.
But things soon took a turn for the complicated.
First, her duties changed. The younger sister she was supposed to look after had to go to Beijing for some event, so Kay was reassigned to take care of the youngest brother, Luke, a 6-month-old baby.
Thankfully, Kay didn’t need to do any childcare tasks; she only had to provide a French language environment for Luke—4 hours of French every day. English wasn’t needed temporarily because, every other day, an in-home foreign teacher would come to give 8 consecutive hours of English lessons! This British teacher would only speak English in front of Luke and even performed little skits, making the 6-month-old baby giggle every time!
I double-checked with Kay to confirm—yes, it was that extraordinary. The host family believed 6 months old was the best time for babbling, so they had Mandarin, Cantonese, English, and French taught in rotation, almost as if they wanted to engrave these languages into Luke’s genes.
I couldn’t help but wonder: How much would Luke actually understand later? I know Kay only stayed with this family for a month.
“No reaction at all!” Kay said. “On my first day with the family, I signed a lot of non-disclosure agreements (NDAs). I could only use my own phone in the bedroom; outside the bedroom, I had to use the tablet they provided—which didn’t support photography. From the day I arrived until the day I left, I only ever met the housekeeper and the nanny. Every time the mother came out to take care of the baby, the housekeeper would message me, telling me to go back to my room in another building—it was like leaving work early. I had no idea who the child’s parents were. The housekeeper said they were ‘shy’ and didn’t like meeting strangers, but the nanny said they were ‘big stars’!”
Kay later said this way of interacting was indeed unexpected, but she got used to it eventually. However, there was one thing that upset her about this Shenzhen family: “I came to be an au pair because I wanted to be part of the family, but the housekeeper always treated me like a ‘stranger’.”
Kay continued: “I spent 4 hours speaking French to Luke every day. At first, I could talk—introducing myself, for example—but a 6-month-old baby can’t possibly respond. You know, after a while, I quickly ran out of things to say. Every day felt like performing a one-person show, which was really tough. I started talking about myself and my family in France, but eventually, I completely ran out of topics. I even began reading French news to him—but Luke is just a baby!”
Kay said she was really unhappy during that period. For one thing, she felt like she was stuck in an endless, unresponsive black hole, not knowing if she was doing the right thing. For another, she saw how the British teacher could easily make Luke laugh, and she tried to learn, but never succeeded. “I even wondered if the baby could understand English but not French,” she said.
“Every day, I asked Deepseek over 50 questions—checking what I was doing wrong and how I could improve! I thought about it every day: I want to make this baby laugh! I want him to learn French!”
Later, the housekeeper said Kay was depressed and no longer suitable to take care of Luke, adding that she would arrange for Kay to see a psychologist in Hong Kong. “I was 100% sure I wasn’t depressed—I just had burnout from ‘French broadcasting’!” Kay said. That’s when she started contacting us. She told the housekeeper: “I want to reach out to an agency to help me find another host family. I don’t seem to be a good fit for looking after a 6-month-old baby.” The housekeeper agreed immediately, saying it was no problem. On that day, Kay didn’t have to “perform her one-person show” anymore—and that’s how she found us!