Au Pair & Host family how to get along 互惠生与寄宿家庭如何相处

家庭视角：如何与家中的互惠生相处 (Host Family’s Perspective: How to Get Along with Your Au Pair)

沟通至上 – 明确期望并定期交流 (Communication is Key – Set Clear Expectations and Check In Regularly)
在互惠生项目中，良好的沟通是成功相处的基石。 (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs) 主动向互惠生阐明您对工作内容、作息时间的期望，并倾听对方的想法。例如，有位寄宿家庭起初对互惠生一些表现不满，但从未直言相告，只是表面客气，结果互惠生一直以为“一切都很好”。教训是：别让问题憋在心里，定期坐下来沟通。您可以每周安排一次家庭会议，询问互惠生的适应情况，给予反馈和鼓励。交流时语气友善、平等，将改进意见视为成长机会而非批评指责。及时坦诚的沟通有助于及时解决小问题，避免累积成大矛盾。

Good communication is the cornerstone of a successful au pair arrangement (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs) . Be proactive in explaining your expectations regarding duties and schedules, and invite your au pair to share their thoughts. For example, one host mom admitted she was unhappy with certain things but stayed “friendly” and never told the au pair, so the au pair assumed “everything was fine” (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs). The lesson: don’t bottle up issues—schedule regular check-ins to talk. A weekly chat to ask how your au pair is adjusting and to offer feedback or praise can work well (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs). Keep the tone open and equal, framing suggestions as opportunities for growth rather than criticism (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs). By addressing concerns honestly and early, you prevent minor issues from snowballing into major conflicts .

明确职责边界 – 事先约定工作内容，避免角色混淆 (Define Duties & Boundaries – Agree on Tasks in Advance to Avoid Role Confusion)
在开始同住之前，请务必与互惠生明确约定职责和日程。 (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) 列出需要互惠生承担的具体任务，例如照看孩子、接送上下学、简单的孩子餐点等，并讨论每日作息表。有的寄宿家庭曾因为没有讲清家务范围，导致互惠生觉得被要求做过多与儿童无关的家务，心生委屈。这方面要切记：互惠生不是保姆或保洁，而是家庭平等的一员。比如，有些家庭希望互惠生包揽全家清洁，这是不合理的。相反，您可以说明哪些是有关孩子的家务，并尊重协议中对于家务的限定。同时，在薪资待遇上确保公平合理：遵守当地规定的零花钱标准，并根据额外的晚间加班等给予额外补贴或调休。清晰的职责分工和公平的待遇能建立信任，让双方都安心。

Before your au pair arrives, clearly outline their duties and schedule (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) . Create a written list of tasks—such as childcare, school pick-ups, preparing simple kids’ meals—and go over the daily routine together (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). Misunderstandings often occur when duties are vague. Some families, for instance, failed to clarify the scope of house chores, leaving the au pair feeling overworked and resentful for being asked to do too much unrelated to childcare. Remember: an au pair is not a maid or janitor, but an equal member of the family (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld). It’s unreasonable to expect them to “do all the cleaning” for the entire household. Instead, be explicit that their chores pertain only to the children (tidying kids’ rooms, doing kids’ laundry, etc.) and honor the limits set by the program (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld). Also, ensure their stipend and benefits are fair: pay at least the minimum pocket money, compensate extra evening babysitting with overtime pay or time off , and perhaps provide perks like a transit pass or occasional use of a car. Clear roles and fair treatment build trust and peace of mind on both sides.

尊重隐私与空间 – 保留彼此独处时间，切勿全天候监控 (Respect Privacy & Space – Allow Downtime and Avoid Micromanaging)
即便互惠生住在您家中，也应给予对方必要的私人空间和休息时间。 (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld) 让互惠生拥有自己独立的房间，并尊重其房门关闭时的私密性。这不仅保障互惠生的舒适，也让您和家人保有自己的空间。例如，有互惠生提到寄宿家庭的孩子经常不敲门闯入她房间，而父母却不加以制止 (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs)。尽管孩子顽皮可以理解，但作为家长应教导孩子尊重他人空间，避免让互惠生感到无所适从。同样重要的是信任。切忌像极端案例那样对互惠生进行不必要的监视：一位寄宿家庭的父亲甚至动用自己的警察同事监视互惠生带孩子外出，只因发现她在游乐场看手机 ——这样的行为只会严重破坏互信，让互惠生感到被冒犯和紧张。取而代之，请相信您的互惠生会遵守家庭规则、照顾好孩子。在明确规则后，不必时时刻刻盯紧。给予一定自由度，互惠生反而会更自觉地做好本职工作。此外，也尊重她/他下班后的个人时间。例如，互惠生下班后泡杯茶、追剧放松一下，无需觉得对家庭失礼——适度放手能让大家相处更融洽。

Even though your au pair lives in your home, they still need personal space and downtime (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). Make sure they have a private room of their own and respect their privacy when the door is closed. This gives both your family and the au pair necessary breathing room. For instance, one au pair mentioned the host children would barge into her room without knocking, and the parents did nothing to stop it (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs). While kids will be kids, it’s important to teach them to respect boundaries so the au pair doesn’t feel uncomfortable or invaded. Trust is equally crucial—avoid micromanaging or spying on your au pair. In one extreme case, a host dad (who was a police officer) asked colleagues to keep tabs on his au pair at the playground just because he saw her check her phone (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs). Such behavior severely undermines trust and makes the au pair feel violated and anxious. Instead, trust that your au pair will follow house rules and take good care of the children. Once you’ve set clear guidelines, you don’t need to watch them 24/7. Granting them some autonomy actually encourages them to be responsible and do their job well (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) . Also, respect their off-duty time: if your au pair unwinds after work with a cup of tea and some Netflix, that’s perfectly fine and doesn’t mean they are shirking family integration. A bit of healthy distance and trust will make your living situation much more harmonious for everyone.

包容文化差异 – 互相介绍习俗，美食分享增进了解 (Embrace Cultural Differences – Share Customs and Cuisine to Learn from Each Other)
您邀请了一位来自异国的年轻人加入家庭，本身就是一次宝贵的文化交流机会。开头几周，互惠生可能会经历文化冲击或想家，这很正常。作为东道主，您可以通过主动介绍本国家庭的生活习惯来帮助TA更快适应。例如，不同国家在饮食口味和作息时间上差异很大：您可以告诉互惠生您一家常吃哪些食物、一日三餐时间，如果有特殊的家庭传统也尽早告知 (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld)。在用餐方面，邀请互惠生一起下厨是个不错的主意——教TA做几道地道菜，也请TA展示家乡美食，让全家人一起尝鲜。这种双向交流不仅填饱肚子、更能拉近彼此距离。要明白，互惠生远离家乡，难免思念自己的传统和食物 (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld)，如果您愿意尝试TA的拿手菜，TA会感到备受尊重和亲切。同样，当互惠生的生活方式和观念与您的有所不同时，请保持开放的心态对待。正如知乎上一位前辈所建议的：“不要因为看法不同就产生排斥”，要做到**“和而不同”**，在求同存异中相处 (如何做好一名Au Pair？)。比如，您喜欢孩子早睡，而互惠生来自的文化里孩子睡得晚，双方可以沟通找到折中作息时间。对彼此文化多一份了解和包容，很多潜在矛盾就能化解于无形。

By welcoming a young person from another country into your home, you’ve opened the door to a rich cultural exchange. In the first few weeks, your au pair might experience culture shock or homesickness – this is normal (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). You can ease the transition by proactively introducing your family’s daily routines and customs . Remember that meal styles and schedules vary widely across cultures. Explain what foods your family typically eats and at what times, and mention any special family rituals early on (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld). Mealtimes are a great opportunity for bonding: consider cooking together. Perhaps teach your au pair to make a local dish, and encourage them to share recipes from their home country (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld). This two-way exchange not only fills bellies but also brings hearts closer. Keep in mind your au pair is far from home and likely missing their own traditions and cuisine (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld), so showing enthusiasm for their culture (like trying a dish they cook) makes them feel valued and at home. Likewise, when your au pair’s habits or views differ from yours, approach these differences with an open mind. As one experienced au pair mentor advised, “don’t reject someone just because of differing views”; strive for harmony without uniformity (如何做好一名Au Pair？). For example, maybe you prefer the kids in bed early, but your au pair comes from a culture where children stay up later – talk it out and find a middle ground. By learning about and accommodating each other’s cultural nuances, you can preempt many potential conflicts before they even arise.

以家庭成员待之 – 接纳TA加入家庭，亦师亦友共成长 (Treat Them as Family – Welcome Your Au Pair as a Family Member, Mentor and Friend)
最成功的互惠生关系往往建立在让对方融入家庭的基础上。把互惠生当作大孩子/家庭新成员来看待，既给予关怀也赋予责任。 (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs) 有经验的寄宿家庭发现，年轻的互惠生初来乍到时，就像一个离开父母的青少年，需要新的“爸妈”和家庭的引导和支持 (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs)。例如，您可以像对自己孩子那样，花时间了解互惠生的性格爱好，邀请TA参加家庭游戏之夜、周末郊游等活动。在生活和工作上扮演亦师亦友的角色：既帮助TA熟悉如何照顾孩子、适应家庭规则，也愿意倾听TA的收获与烦恼。当您敞开心扉把TA当自己人，TA也更愿意投入真心照顾您的孩子。有位寄宿妈妈分享道，最初她担心家中多个人会影响隐私，但实际经验是**“你始终有足够的私人空间可以充电”** (Three things I wish I knew before becoming a host mom)。互惠生带来的更多是正向影响：孩子多了一个大哥哥/大姐姐陪伴学习，父母多了一个得力帮手兼文化交流伙伴。一位美国寄宿妈妈感慨道：“互惠生也许只在我们屋檐下生活一年，但却会永远留在我们心中” (Three things I wish I knew before becoming a host mom)。许多家庭和他们的互惠生在项目结束后仍长期保持联系，仿佛多了个海外亲人。这种情感纽带正是互惠生项目最美好的收获之一。当您真心接纳互惠生成为家庭的一份子，对方也会以忠诚和努力回报，形成良性循环。

The best au pair arrangements are those where the au pair truly becomes part of the family. Treat your au pair as you would an older child or new family member, offering both guidance and affection (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs). Experienced host parents note that a young au pair in a new country can be like a teenager away from home for the first time – they need their “host mom and dad” to support and mentor them (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs). Spend time getting to know your au pair’s personality and interests; include them in family activities like game nights or weekend outings so they feel truly included. Play a role that is part mentor, part friend: show them how you manage the kids and household tasks, but also chat with them about their day, their studies, or any worries. When you open your heart and treat them like one of your own, they’ll reciprocate with loyalty and dedication to your children. One host mom admitted she initially worried about privacy with another person in the house, but learned that “you will always have enough privacy and time to recharge” (Three things I wish I knew before becoming a host mom). In fact, having an au pair often brings more positives: your children gain a “big brother or sister” to learn from and play with, and you gain an extra pair of helping hands – and a window to another culture. As an American host mom beautifully put it, “Au pairs may only be under our roof for a year, but they stay in our hearts forever.” (Three things I wish I knew before becoming a host mom) Many families and their au pairs remain close long after the program ends, as if they gained a new relative overseas. This emotional bond is one of the most rewarding aspects of the au pair experience. By genuinely embracing your au pair as one of the family, you encourage them to give their best and become a loving, responsible caregiver in return – a win-win for everyone.

支持融入与成长 – 帮助互惠生适应当地生活，关心TA的社交与学业 (Support Integration and Growth – Help Your Au Pair Adapt, Find Community and Learn)
寄宿家庭在互惠生的个人成长和适应过程中也扮演重要角色。帮助您的互惠生融入当地社群，可以让TA的生活更加充实，从而在工作时保持更好的状态。 (Host Families’ Perspective on Au Pair : r/Aupairs) 您可以协助TA寻找语言课程并合理安排时间上课 (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld) (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld)，因为掌握语言是互惠生活的重要目标之一。在语言学习方面，可以在家里营造双语环境：让互惠生教孩子说TA的母语，同时您和孩子也和TA多用当地语言交流，这样大家都获益 (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld)。另外，鼓励互惠生结交朋友。您可以介绍认识一些邻居、带TA参加社区活动，或提供便利让TA与附近其他互惠生见面。如有可能，提供一些交通便利（比如公共交通卡，或在遵守规定前提下允许偶尔用家里车辆） (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld)。这样TA周末可以探索城市、认识新朋友。有一位寄宿家庭分享说，他们的一位互惠生因为交不到朋友，业余时间总宅在房间跟国内朋友视频，结果愈发想家，影响了心情 (Host Families’ Perspective on Au Pair : r/Aupairs)。吸取这样的经验教训，寄宿家庭应多留意互惠生的社交和心理状态。主动询问TA周末过得怎样，需不需要帮助结识新朋友等。当互惠生在异国他乡建立起自己的小圈子，有了丰富的生活，她/他在您家的表现也会更加阳光、自信。最后，不要忘了关注互惠生的情绪变化。初到的新鲜劲过后，TA可能会经历一个低落期，例如想念家乡或遇到困难。这时，多给予理解和安慰，非常重要。如果有小波折，和TA一起想办法解决，而不是责怪。 (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) 您的支持和关心，会让互惠生真正感受到家的温暖，从而更好地投入工作，双方相处更加愉快。

As a host family, you play a big part in your au pair’s ability to adapt and thrive. Help your au pair integrate into the local community so they have a fulfilling life outside of work – this will reflect positively when they are on duty. (Host Families’ Perspective on Au Pair : r/Aupairs)Assist them in finding a language course and adjust the schedule so they can attend classes (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld), since learning the language is often a key goal. You might even create a bilingual atmosphere at home: encourage your au pair to teach your kids some words in their language, and in turn you and the children can speak the local language with the au pair – everyone benefits (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld). Also, encourage your au pair to make friends. Introduce them to friendly neighbors or other families with au pairs, involve them in community events, or simply make it easier for them to meet fellow au pairs nearby. If possible, provide some transportation support (like a bus/subway pass or occasional use of the family car within agreed limits) (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld) so they can explore the area and socialize on weekends. One host parent observed that their au pair struggled to find friends and ended up spending all free time alone in her room video-calling people back home – unsurprisingly, she grew very homesick and unhappy (Host Families’ Perspective on Au Pair : r/Aupairs). Learning from this, keep an eye on your au pair’s social and emotional well-being. Ask how their weekend went and if they’d like help getting to know people. When an au pair establishes their own little network and life abroad, they become more cheerful and confident in your home, too. Lastly, be attentive to your au pair’s mood swings. After the initial excitement, they might hit a down period missing home or facing challenges. It’s crucial to show empathy and offer support during those times. If problems arise, work together on solutions rather than casting blame (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). Your understanding and care will make your au pair truly feel the warmth of family, motivating them to do their best work and making your time together enjoyable and rewarding.

小结 (Conclusion)
与互惠生相处的过程，既有挑战也充满收获。作为寄宿家庭，您的角色不仅是“雇主”，更是导师、朋友和文化向导。当您做到坦诚沟通、尊重平等、热情接纳，您将看到一个年轻人在您家庭中茁壮成长，也为您的孩子带来难忘的陪伴。 (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs)当然，并非每段互惠关系都十全十美，如果出现实在无法调和的矛盾，双方也可以和平商议提前结束项目或重新匹配，但那应是最后的选项。大多数情况下，用心经营的家庭与互惠生关系会发展出深厚的情谊，甚至超越一年的项目期限。希望以上建议和来自各国家庭的经验分享，能够帮助您营造一个和谐温馨的家庭氛围，让您的互惠生在异国他乡也能感受到家的感觉。毕竟，互惠生活动的初衷就是跨文化的交流与联结——当寄宿家庭和互惠生相互欣赏、共同成长，这段旅程才真正实现了它的价值。

In summary, hosting an au pair comes with its challenges but also abundant rewards. As a host family, you are not just an “employer” but also a mentor, friend, and cultural guide. By practicing open communication, mutual respect, and wholehearted inclusion, you’ll witness a young person flourish in your household and provide your children with an unforgettable companionship (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs). Of course, no arrangement is perfect; if truly irreconcilable issues arise, you and your au pair can discuss ending the stay early or seeking a rematch – but that should be a last resort. In most cases, a relationship nurtured with care will blossom into a deep friendship that lasts well beyond the au pair’s year. We hope the above advice, along with real stories from families around the world, helps you foster a harmonious, warm environment where your au pair feels at home even while abroad. After all, the au pair program is about cultural exchange and connection – when host family and au pair appreciate one another and grow together, that is when the journey fulfills its true purpose.

互惠生视角：如何与寄宿家庭相处 (Au Pair’s Perspective: How to Get Along with Your Host Family)

主动沟通，坦诚表达 – 勇于提问和反馈 (Communicate Proactively – Ask Questions and Speak Up Openly)
良好的相处离不开沟通，而作为互惠生，您同样需要勇敢表达自己。在入境前和刚到家的最初几天，尽量问清楚所有不明白的地方：包括工作时间安排、具体职责、孩子的习惯等等 (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions)。如果有任何与事先约定不符的地方，早点提出来沟通。别怕问“愚蠢”的问题，提前弄明白总比日后误会要好。当开始相处后，保持定期的交流习惯。例如，您可以每周找寄宿家庭聊聊上一周的情况，分享自己收获的快乐或遇到的困难。如果遇到问题（比如孩子不听话或者您对某要求不舒服），及时但礼貌地提出。很多家庭其实并不察觉您的困扰，除非您说出来。 (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month) 切记勿采用消极憋闷的方式——不要一味点头顺从背后苦水满腹，那样只会让压力累积。相反，通过沟通争取理解：比如您需要自己的私人时间时，就直率地告诉寄宿父母：“晚上我想有一两个小时安静休息”。大部分家庭都会理解这一点。又如，如果您对孩子的教育方式有疑问，可以提出讨论而不是私下抱怨。真诚沟通有时需要勇气，但会让关系更透明、信任度更高。

Good communication is a two-way street, and as an au pair you must also be courageous in expressing yourself. Before and during your first days with the family, make an effort to ask about anything you’re unsure of – your schedule, specific duties, the children’s routines, house rules, etc. (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). If something isn’t as agreed, bring it up sooner rather than later. No question is a stupid question; it’s better to clarify upfront than to have misunderstandings down the line. Once you’re settled in, maintain a habit of regular check-ins. For instance, you might approach your host parents weekly to chat about how things are going – share the fun moments you had, as well as any challenges. If an issue arises (say the kids won’t listen to you, or you feel uncomfortable with a certain task), raise it promptly but politely. Often host families won’t realize you’re struggling unless you tell them (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month). Avoid passive-aggressive silence or bottling things up – don’t just nod “yes” to everything while secretly stewing; that only builds resentment. Instead, communicate to seek understanding. For example, if you need some personal downtime, honestly tell your host parents, “I’d like an hour or two to myself in the evenings to recharge.” Most families will understand (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month). Similarly, if you have questions about how to discipline the kids or run the household, discuss it openly rather than quietly disagreeing. Honest communication may take courage, but it makes the relationship more transparent and builds trust in the long run.

尊重规则，灵活适应 – 入乡随俗也保持自我 (Respect House Rules & Adapt – When in Rome, Do as the Romans Do… While Being Yourself)
每个家庭都有自己的一套生活方式和规则。作为新人，首先表现出对寄宿家庭规则的尊重，这是融入的第一步。例如，弄清楚他们对作息时间、社交媒体使用、带朋友来访等的规定，并尽量遵守。初来乍到时，您可能会发现一些习惯和自己家截然不同——无论是饮食口味、育儿方式，还是生活节奏。这时候，请抱以开放心态去适应。 (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) 尽量尝试他们的做法，先融入后调整。正如一句中文俗语：“入乡随俗”，先按照当地方式生活，等彼此熟悉后再慢慢交流彼此的文化差异。如果寄宿家庭的晚餐是陌生的菜式，不妨尝试几口；如果孩子的教育方式和您之前认知不同，也不要急着评判。记住您来此是体验另一种文化，学习理解新的生活方式。当然，适应并不意味着迷失自我。在尊重他们习俗的同时，您也可以分享自己的文化。大多数家庭也很乐意了解您的背景，例如一起过一个您国家的节日，教孩子几句您的母语等等。这种交流会让家庭也更加欣赏您的独特之处。需要注意的是，切勿像某些反面例子那样表现出对寄宿国文化的轻蔑。不幸的是，有寄宿家庭反映过互惠生整天抱怨当地的饮食、交通、社交方式等，让家庭感觉备受批评 (Host Families’ Perspective on Au Pair : r/Aupairs)。这是大忌！即使您心里不认同某些方面，也请谨慎表达。尊重是相互的——尊重寄宿家庭的国家和文化，才能赢得他们对您文化的尊重。灵活适应、友善包容，将帮助您快速融入新环境，在家庭中站稳脚跟。

Every family has its own way of life and set of rules. As a newcomer, showing respect for your host family’s rules is key to a good start. Learn what their expectations are for things like curfews, internet use, having friends over, etc., and do your best to abide by them. You’ll likely notice some habits that differ greatly from what you’re used to—whether it’s food, parenting styles, or daily routines. In those moments, stay open-minded and willing to adapt (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). Try doing things their way first – blend in before you try to change anything. As the saying goes, “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Follow the household’s flow initially; once you’ve built rapport, you can gradually exchange perspectives on cultural differences. If your host family serves a dinner that’s completely new to you, be willing to give it a try. If they raise their kids in a way that surprises you, avoid jumping to judgment. Remember, you joined this program to experience another culture, so embrace learning a new lifestyle (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). Of course, adapting doesn’t mean losing yourself. You can respect their customs while still sharing your own culture. Most families will love to learn about your background too—maybe celebrate one of your country’s holidays together, or teach the kids a song or phrases in your language. Such exchanges will make them appreciate what makes you unique. One caution: never behave as if you look down on your host country’s culture. Unfortunately, some hosts have had au pairs who constantly complained about the local food, transportation, social norms, etc., making the family feel criticized in their own home (Host Families’ Perspective on Au Pair : r/Aupairs) (Host Families’ Perspective on Au Pair : r/Aupairs). This is a big no-no! Even if you dislike certain things, be tactful in how you express it. Respect goes both ways—by respecting your host family’s country and culture, you earn their respect for yours. Be flexible, kind, and tolerant; it will help you settle in faster and find your footing in the family.

积极融入家庭 – 主动陪伴孩子，参与家庭活动 (Engage with the Family – Be Present with the Kids and Join Family Activities)
作为互惠生，您的主要职责是照顾孩子，但要真正相处融洽，超越“员工”身份，您需要积极融入这个家庭的日常生活。首先，对待孩子要投入真心，像大姐姐/大哥哥一样陪伴他们。花时间了解孩子的兴趣，陪他们玩游戏、读书、讲故事。 (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs)当您用心陪伴时，孩子会更快接受您，您在家的存在感也会提升。同时，这也会让寄宿父母更加信任您，因为他们看到您发自内心爱护他们的孩子。除了工作时间，尝试融入家庭的社交活动。比如，寄宿家庭看电影时，坐下来一起看；周末郊游时，一起出门走走。这并不意味着您没有任何私人空间（家庭也会理解您需要个人时间），但表现出对家庭生活的兴趣非常重要。一位互惠生分享说，让自己有“家的感觉”的最好方法就是花时间和寄宿家庭在一起：例如饭前来一局家庭棋盘游戏，或一起去公园散步，这些美好时刻让她真正融入了这个家。如果您躲在房间里，不愿与家人互动，双方都会感觉疏离。当然，每个人性格不同，有的互惠生可能内向害羞。这种情况下，可以从小事做起：比如每天晚餐时主动聊几句当天趣事，或询问寄宿父母一天过得如何。他们往往也很想听听您的故事。在家庭活动中扮演积极角色，会让寄宿家庭觉得您珍视与他们的情谊，而不仅仅把这当成一份工作。久而久之，您会发现自己真的成为了这个家庭的一员，而不仅是一个住在他们家的“客人”。

Your primary role as an au pair is to care for the children, but if you want to truly get along and move beyond being just “the help,” you need to actively engage in the family’s daily life. Start by genuinely investing in the kids – be like a big sister or brother to them. Take time to learn what they enjoy, and play games, read books, or tell silly stories together (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs) (Confused First Time Host Family : r/Aupairs). When you care for the children with heart, they’ll warm up to you faster and your presence in the home will become more natural. This in turn builds trust with the parents, as they see you truly love their kids. Beyond your working hours, make an effort to join in family activities. For example, if the family is watching a movie, sit with them; if they go for a weekend hike or picnic, tag along. This doesn’t mean you can’t ever have downtime to yourself (hosts understand you need personal space too), but showing interest in their family life is key (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month). One au pair shared that the only way she began to “feel at home” was by spending quality time with her host family – for instance, playing a board game before dinner or going to the park together, which were “small but valuable moments” that made her truly feel part of the family (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month). If you always retreat to your room and avoid interaction, both you and the family will feel distant from each other. Of course, everyone’s personality differs – you might be more introverted or shy. In that case, start small: at dinner each day, try to chat a bit about something fun that happened, or ask your host parents how their day went. Chances are, they’d love to hear about your day too. By taking an active role in family life, you show that you value your relationship with them and see yourself as more than just an employee. Over time, you’ll likely find that you really do become part of the family, rather than just a guest living under their roof.

保持专业和爱心 – 尽责照顾孩子，真诚对待家庭 (Stay Professional and Caring – Be Responsible with the Children and Sincere with the Family)
融入家庭并不意味着忘记专业性。要赢得寄宿家庭的尊重，您需要展现自己的可靠和尽责。在工作时间内，认真履行对孩子的照顾义务。准时接送、细心看护、遵守父母的育儿规定，这些基本的职业操守要做到位。此外，保持整洁和礼貌的生活习惯也很重要。例如，主动整理自己和孩子用过的物品、餐后帮忙收拾餐具。这些小细节会让寄宿家庭觉得您成熟懂事、值得信赖 (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) 。一位寄宿家庭分享道，他们很欣赏互惠生“保持自己房间整洁，不怕自己做饭，用完厨房会清理干净”等品质。当您在生活中展现责任感时，家庭会更放心地把孩子交给您，也更愿意把您看作平等的成年人成员。同时，对寄宿家庭保持真诚和体贴。比如，记得孩子和父母的生日，准备一张小贺卡；看到家长下班很累时，哪怕递上一杯茶这样简单的关心，都能增进感情。很多互惠生发现，与寄宿父母建立起亦友亦师的关系，会让整个体验更加美好。他们既是您的“东家”，也是您国外的依靠和导师。用心经营这层关系：尊重他们、关心他们，全心照顾好他们最珍视的孩子， (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld)您收获的将不仅是一段职业经历，还有一份真正的跨国友情。

Becoming part of the family doesn’t mean you should lose your professionalism. To earn your host family’s respect, you need to demonstrate that you are reliable and responsible. During work hours, fulfill your childcare duties conscientiously. Be punctual for school pickups, watch the kids attentively, and follow the parents’ rules for the children. Also, maintain good habits like tidiness and courtesy. For example, clean up after yourself and the kids, help wash the dishes after meals, and keep your living areas neat. These little actions show your host family that you are mature, considerate, and trustworthy (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs). One host parent shared that they really appreciated their au pair for “keeping her room clean, not being afraid to cook for herself, and always cleaning up the kitchen afterward,” which showed great initiative (Positive experience! : r/Aupairs – Reddit). When you demonstrate responsibility in day-to-day life, your family will feel more comfortable trusting you with their children and will treat you as a capable adult member of the household (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs). At the same time, treat your host family with sincerity and kindness. Remember birthdays of the kids and parents and perhaps give them a card or small gift; if you see your host mom or dad come home exhausted, even offering to make a cup of tea can be a thoughtful gesture that strengthens your bond. Many au pairs find that building a relationship with host parents as both friends and mentors makes the whole experience richer. They are not only your “employers” but also your support system and guides in a foreign country. Invest in that relationship: respect them, care about them, and take excellent care of the people they treasure most – their children (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld). In return, you’ll gain not just work experience, but a genuine cross-cultural friendship.

设定界限，学会说“不” – 保护自身权益，避免被当作理所当然 (Set Boundaries and Learn to Say “No” – Protect Your Rights and Avoid Being Taken for Granted)
在努力融入和付出的同时，您也需要维护自己的界限。互惠生活动是一种平等互惠的交流，如果您感到被要求做超出职责太多的事情，或者工作时间远超协议，应当勇敢地提出。学会礼貌而坚定地说“不”，以防自己被当作廉价劳动力无限使唤。比如，如果寄宿家庭让您经常打扫全家卫生、照看孩子之外还承担繁重家务，而这并不在协议中，您可以选择一个合适的时机，与他们沟通您愿意帮忙的范围。如果一次次地默默接受额外要求，可能会导致不公平的状况持续。 (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs) 一位在西班牙的互惠生分享了自己的惨痛教训：那个家庭不断增加她的工作量，让她从早到晚带孩子、做饭、辅导功课、甚至照顾宠物，却还嫌她不够卖力。面对这种情况，她最终选择离开。但更理想的是在情况恶化之前就及时表明立场。您可以这样说：“我很乐意做好照顾孩子和与孩子相关的家务，但额外的X任务可能超出了我的职责范围，我们能否讨论一下？” 用沟通而非对抗的方式拒绝无理要求。如果寄宿家庭通情达理，他们会理解并调整。如果不幸遇到完全不尊重界限的家庭，记住您有权寻求项目协调员的帮助，甚至考虑重匹配(rematch)。 (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) 保护自己的合法权益并不会让人觉得你挑剔，反而展现了你的成熟和对项目规则的了解。坚持合理的界限，才能确保接下来的一年里双方相处在健康的轨道上。

While you should be helpful and flexible, you also need to maintain your personal boundaries. The au pair arrangement is meant to be mutually beneficial, so if you feel you’re being asked to do far more than agreed – or working consistently beyond your hours – you must speak up. Learn to say “no” politely but firmly to prevent yourself from being taken advantage of as an unlimited cheap worker. For example, if your host family frequently asks you to clean the entire house or handle heavy chores unrelated to childcare, and this wasn’t agreed upon, choose an appropriate moment to discuss it. Explain what tasks you’re happy to help with, but also point out which extra duties feel outside your role. If you keep silently accepting more and more, an unfair situation may continue (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs) (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs). One au pair in Spain shared a painful lesson: her host family kept piling on work – from dawn to night she was expected to wake the kids, do school runs, cook meals, tutor the children and even walk the dog – yet the family still complained she wasn’t doing enough (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs) (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs). She ended up leaving that placement. Ideally, you’d want to voice your concerns before it gets to that breaking point. You might say something like, “I’m happy to take care of the children and related chores, but taking on X task regularly goes beyond what we discussed. Could we talk about adjusting this?” By calmly communicating rather than confronting, you give the host family a chance to respond. If they are reasonable people, they will understand and make adjustments. If you unfortunately encounter a family that doesn’t respect boundaries at all, remember you have the right to reach out to your program coordinator or consider a rematch. (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) Standing up for your agreed rights doesn’t make you difficult; it shows you’re mature and informed about the program’s terms. Maintaining fair boundaries ensures that the year ahead will be a healthy arrangement for both you and your hosts.

建立社交支持网络 – 结交朋友，排解想家情绪 (Build a Support Network – Make Friends and Tackle Homesickness)
融入寄宿家庭很重要，但也别忘了为自己建立家庭以外的支持系统。来到新的国家，尝试去结识其他互惠生或当地朋友。 (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month) 您可以问寄宿家庭或中介机构，看看附近是否有您这样的互惠生群体，加入他们的社交活动。在语言学校或社区活动中主动和人交谈也是拓展朋友圈的好方式。有了朋友，您在周末和空闲时就有伴一起探索城市、分享心得，这会极大缓解想家的情绪。别把全部生活重心只放在寄宿家庭身上——家庭当然重要，但拥有家庭外的个人生活会让您情绪更稳定，从而在工作中表现更好。一开始可能会有孤独的时候，这是正常的。可以考虑参加一些兴趣班、健身房或者教会/俱乐部等，这些都是认识新朋友的渠道。如果实在感觉孤单，不妨和其他互惠生一起创建一个小聚会，比如每周一次咖啡聚，大家交流各自的经历，彼此打气。此外，合理处理想家：不要每天沉迷于和家乡的人视频聊天 (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month)。一位博主建议，不如写日记或博客记录自己的经历，然后再与家人分享。这样既能整理情绪，也避免过度沉浸在对家乡的牵挂中。简单来说，多出去走走，发现新国家的魅力。当您忙于学习新东西、认识新朋友时，负面的情绪会减少。而且，当您心情愉快地回到寄宿家庭时，和他们相处也会更加正面阳光。寄宿父母也希望您过得开心，因为您的快乐程度往往也影响着他们孩子的情绪呢！所以大胆拓展自己的小圈子吧——独自在国外并不意味着孤立无援，社交网络会成为您的强大后盾。

While integrating with your host family is important, don’t forget to build a support system outside the host home as well. In a new country, make an effort to befriend other au pairs or locals (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month) (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month). Ask your host family or agency if there are other au pairs nearby and try to connect with them. Attend language classes or community events and strike up conversations – these are great ways to expand your circle (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month). Having friends means you’ll have buddies to explore the city with on weekends and people who understand what you’re going through, which greatly eases homesickness (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month) (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month). Don’t rely solely on your host family for all social needs – they are important, but having a life of your own outside the host home will keep you emotionally balanced and likely make you perform better in your duties. In the beginning you might feel lonely at times; that’s normal. Consider joining a hobby class, gym, church or club – these are all avenues to meet new people. If you’re really missing camaraderie, organize small get-togethers with fellow au pairs, like a weekly coffee chat where you exchange stories and encourage each other . Also, handle homesickness smartly: try not to spend hours every single day glued to video calls with folks back home . One blogger suggests writing in a journal or blog about your experiences and then sharing that with loved ones later . This helps process your feelings without overindulging in nostalgia. In short, get out and discover what your new country has to offer. When you’re busy learning, exploring, and making friends, negative feelings will subside. Plus, when you return home to your host family in a happy mood, your interactions with them will be more positive and upbeat. (Host parents want to see you enjoying yourself, too – your happiness often influences their kids’ happiness!) So go ahead and grow your own social circle – being an ocean away from home doesn’t mean you have to be alone. A support network will be your lifeline and strength during your au pair journey.

保持积极心态，学会求助 – 以成长视角面对挑战 (Stay Positive and Know When to Seek Help – Face Challenges as Growth Opportunities)
在寄宿家庭生活的一年中，难免会遇到各种挑战。有时您可能会觉得沮丧，或者和家庭产生矛盾。这时，尽量保持积极的心态来看待问题，把它当作个人成长的一部分。 (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month) 回想自己报名互惠生计划的初衷：不就是为了体验不一样的人生、锻炼独立能力吗？困难面前，告诉自己：“这都是历练！” 一位寄宿家庭的妈妈在网上鼓励道：互惠生活给年轻人带来的是一种全新的独立感，他们学会在陌生环境中照顾自己、结交朋友、规划生活。所以遇到挫折别轻易放弃——相信这些经历会让您更成熟、更坚强。如果与寄宿家庭出现了矛盾，尝试换位思考，从他们的角度理解问题，同时也让他们了解你的想法，冷静一起寻找折中办法。大多数情况下，通过沟通和耐心，都能找到让双方接受的解决方案。但如果确实遇到非常棘手的问题，千万不要害怕寻求外部帮助。可以联系项目的协调员或导师，向他们倾诉并请求建议。他们可能会充当中间人帮助调解纠纷。在最坏的情况下，如果发现彼此实在不合适，也不要责怪自己——有时候重匹配也是为了双方更好的选择 (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions)。重要的是，在整个过程中您都尽力保持了专业和善意。请相信，大部分寄宿家庭都是善良且愿意配合的，他们也希望与你建立良好关系。因此，以积极乐观的态度面对每一天，即使出了问题也不羞于求助或调整。这份从容和解决问题的能力，也是互惠生旅程赠予你的宝贵财富。当您最终顺利完成项目回首时，会为自己的成长感到骄傲。

Over the course of a year living with a host family, you will inevitably face challenges. There may be moments of frustration or conflicts with your hosts. In those times, try to maintain a positive mindset and see problems as part of your personal growth (Becoming an Au Pair – 5 Tips I Wish I Knew During My First Month) (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs). Remember why you became an au pair in the first place: likely to experience a different life and develop independence. So when difficulties arise, tell yourself, “this is all training for me!” One host mom online pointed out that the au pair experience gives young people a newfound sense of independence – they learn to take care of themselves, make friends, and navigate life in a new environment (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs). Therefore, don’t give up easily when faced with setbacks – trust that these experiences are making you more mature and resilient. If you have a disagreement with your host family, try to put yourself in their shoes and understand their perspective, but also help them understand yours (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions) (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). Stay calm and work together to find a compromise (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). In most cases, with communication and patience, you can reach a solution acceptable to both sides. However, if you encounter very tough issues, never be afraid to seek outside help. You can contact your program coordinator or counselor, explain the situation and ask for advice. They may act as a mediator to help resolve the conflict (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). In the worst-case scenario, if you find you and the family are truly incompatible, don’t blame yourself – sometimes a rematch is the best option for everyone (Au pair problems: Causes and solutions). What’s important is that you tried your best to remain professional and kind throughout. Keep in mind that most host families are well-intentioned and want a good relationship with you; they’re likely just as invested in making things work. So face each day with optimism, and don’t be shy about asking for help or making changes if needed. That composure and problem-solving ability are themselves valuable lessons from your au pair journey. When you successfully finish your program and look back, you’ll be proud of how much you’ve grown.

小结 (Conclusion)
作为一名互惠生，与寄宿家庭建立良好关系需要用心经营。您的体验很大程度上取决于您投入了多少，以及您如何应对过程中出现的挑战。 (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) 正如一位寄宿家庭所说：“你从中得到的，取决于你付出了多少。” (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) 主动沟通、尊重适应、真诚付出，这些都会换来寄宿家庭的信任和友谊。与此同时，坚持原则、照顾好自己，则能保证这段经历健康且值得。在这一年里，您不仅收获语言进步和异国生活经历，更可能收获第二个家。许多互惠生和他们曾经的寄宿家庭多年后依然保持联系，把彼此当作家人看待 (Three things I wish I knew before becoming a host mom)。希望上述建议和前辈们的真实分享能帮助您更从容地融入寄宿家庭，在文化碰撞中发光发热，留下人生中独一无二的美好回忆。愿您在互惠生旅程中，不忘初心，满载而归！

As an au pair, building a great relationship with your host family requires effort and heart. Your experience will largely depend on what you put into it and how you handle the challenges along the way (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs). As one host succinctly said, “You’ll get out what you put in.” (Positive Experiences being an Aupair : r/Aupairs) By communicating proactively, adapting respectfully, and caring sincerely, you’ll earn your host family’s trust and friendship. At the same time, by holding onto your principles and taking care of yourself, you ensure the experience remains healthy and rewarding. Over this year, you will gain not only language skills and the adventure of living abroad, but possibly a second family as well. Many au pairs and their one-time host families stay in touch for years, treating each other like family (Three things I wish I knew before becoming a host mom). We hope the advice above, combined with real stories from those who’ve been through it, helps you navigate life with your host family confidently, and shine during this time of cultural exchange. May you create unique and wonderful memories on your au pair journey, and finish with your heart full and your horizons broadened!

常见冲突点场景简析 (Common Conflict Scenarios between Host Families and Au Pairs)

家务活分配不均：寄宿家庭希望互惠生多干杂活，互惠生心想“我不是免费保姆！” (Unequal chore load: The host family piles on household chores, while the au pair is thinking “I’m not your free maid!”) (Host mothers share tips for the au pair stay – AuPairWorld)
工作时间与加班：家庭默认为互惠生24小时待命，互惠生努力坚持自己的下班时间。(Working hours & overtime: The family assumes the au pair is on call 24/7, while the au pair tries to hold the line on her off-duty time.)
隐私与空间之争：孩子们经常闯入互惠生房间/家庭安装过多摄像头，互惠生感觉毫无隐私可言。(Privacy invaded: Kids barging into the au pair’s room or the home bristling with cameras, leaving the au pair feeling like she has zero privacy.)
饮食习惯冲突：一家人爱吃本地口味，互惠生却难以下咽或饮食偏好不同；互惠生怀念家乡菜，寄宿家庭却不习惯异国风味。(Food fights: The family’s cooking doesn’t suit the au pair’s taste or diet, and she longs for home cuisine – while the host family may find her preferred foods unfamiliar.)
育儿理念分歧：“熊孩子”管教问题上，父母嫌互惠生不会带娃，互惠生委屈自己缺少父母权威。(Discipline dilemmas: A misbehaving “little monster” – the parents think the au pair isn’t disciplining enough, while the au pair feels she isn’t given the authority or support to manage the child.) (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs)
社交与宵禁：互惠生想趁空闲和朋友狂欢，寄宿家庭却规定了早早宵禁还频繁查岗，双方因“几点回家”闹心。(Social life vs. curfew: The au pair wants to go out and have fun off-duty, but the host family sets an early curfew and constantly checks on her – tension rises over “what time are you coming home?”.) (My nightmare au pair experience : r/Aupairs)
车辆使用权：互惠生想借用家庭汽车出行，寄宿家庭担心车技不好或增加油费；要车还是不要车，成了心结。(Car conflicts: The au pair hopes to use the family car for personal outings, but the hosts worry about her driving or gas costs – granting car privileges becomes a sticking point.)
金钱纠纷：零花钱发放不及时或扣款争议，互惠生觉得辛苦付出未获应有报酬，寄宿家庭则可能觉得有些支出不应他们承担。(Money matters: Stipend not paid on time or deductions made, leaving the au pair feeling underpaid for her hard work, while the host family might feel certain expenses shouldn’t fall on them.)
被当外人vs过度依赖：互惠生抱怨自己被排除在家庭之外（例如合照、出游不带她），反之有的互惠生则吐槽家庭把所有事情都压在她身上，连休息时间也不停求助。(Outsider vs. overused: The au pair feels left out as “just an employee” (not included in family photos or outings), or conversely, some au pairs moan that the family relies on them for everything, bugging them even during off hours.)
社交媒体与照片：互惠生未经许可发布孩子照片引不满，或寄宿家庭在社交媒体公开讨论互惠生让人尴尬。(Social media mishaps: The au pair posts photos of the kids without permission, upsetting the parents, or the host family discusses the au pair publicly online, causing embarrassment.)
情感与吃醋时刻：偶尔也有戏剧性场景——例如漂亮互惠生与年轻爸爸正常相处却引起妈妈吃醋，或孩子太喜欢互惠生让父母有点“失宠”的失落。(Jealousy drama: On occasion, things get soap-operatic – say, a very attractive au pair getting along innocently with a host dad sparks the mom’s jealousy, or the kids adore the au pair so much the parents feel a tad “upstaged”.)

以上这些都是互惠生和寄宿家庭相处中常见的矛盾点，每一条都真实存在于无数故事中。调侃归调侃，这些小冲突背后往往反映出文化差异、沟通不良或期待不一致。如果正在看帖的你也遇到了类似情景，不妨一笑置之，然后参考前文的建议，尝试和对方好好沟通，找到解决之道。毕竟，再鸡毛蒜皮的矛盾，在真诚沟通和理解面前，都有机会雨过天晴！

(These are some of the most common friction points between host families and au pairs – each of them has played out in countless real-life stories. Tongue-in-cheek as they are, behind these squabbles usually lie cultural differences, poor communication, or mismatched expectations. If you find yourself in one of these scenarios, take a deep breath (and maybe chuckle at how classic it is), then remember the advice above: try to talk it out and understand each other. After all, even the peskiest conflicts can clear up after some honest communication and empathy!)